My Discipline Journal: Entry 1

Tonight I’m writing my first discipline journal entry, because Sir has mentioned it before, and because I think it will make him happy.

But more than that, I’m moved to write it because I feel so much gratitude to Sir for the things he’s already helped me accomplish. He’s making subtle changes in my mind, rewiring my brain, almost, with his loving discipline. 

When I start to just put a dish in the sink and let it sit there indefinitely, I think of him, and of how he would ask me if that’s the right choice to make. Then I rinse the dish and put it in the dishwasher and feel proud of myself and imagine Sir patting me on the bottom and kissing my cheek. 

I love putting check marks by the items on my list. Now, instead of a chore, each item seems almost like a reward within itself, because I know it’s for my own well-being and because I know I’ll get to tell him about it and get his praise. 

 Sir and I agreed two days ago that I would have my considerable laundry done by 7pm tonight. I’m very close to having it done, and I’m overjoyed with myself about that. I know that it sounds like such a small thing for a relatively accomplished woman like myself, but my laundry has long been my albatross. I’ve always been really bad about keeping it done, and about keeping my apartment clean in general. Sir knows that this is one of my core discipline problems, and is so generously helping me overcome it. 

But, it won’t be done by 7.

Now, I know that I underestimated how much time it would take. Sir asked me to be certain of the date and time, and I said that I was. I also know that I’ve had a lot of good work news in the last two days that has ended up occupying a lot of my time. Finally, some of the clothes require that I get those dry cleaning sheet dealies at the store, and I’m a bit pressed for time and money right now.

So, I thought, I’ll ask for an extension. Sir will understand. He cares about me and knows that these issues came up unexpectedly.

But then I thought, no. Sir cares about me.

My discipline is not about him, it’s about me. I should’ve planned ahead better and used my time more wisely.

I will finish all the laundry, even the dry cleaning, by Friday at 7pm.

Nonetheless, I didn’t finish it when I was supposed to.

So instead of asking Sir to give me an extension, 

I’m going to ask Sir to give me cornertime.

I love following his instructions obediently, thinking about what he tells me to think about, feeling myself become centered and calm under his command.

I just hope I can get this webcam situation straightened out soon so that Sir can watch me serve him.