On Seeking a Strong Foundation

I'm something of a late bloomer, I've come to understand.  As an artist and an academic, I've studied lots of different things, worked in diverse fields, moved around a lot, and sort of floated.  

Self-discipline has always seemed like something of an elusive goal...I have two masters degrees, so obviously I have some self-discipline. But that was externally directed self-discipline. Professors and universities set dates and goals and schedules and standards for me, and I submitted myself to them. I knew it was for my own good. I operate very well under that model.

I'm coming to see that underlying my (dis) ability to discipline myself is a sort of domestic morass (no pun intended. ok, a little intended.). Stacks of laundry so large I couldn't even bring myself to deal with with them. A sink full of dirty dishes was a constant. 


And the thing was, I felt bad about it all the time. For years, "have more self-discipline" was my top New Year's Resolutions. But how could I get the discipline to learn to impose self-discipline? 

It was a conundrum. 


I felt as if, in trying to launch my career as a writer, I was trying to build a strong house on a foundation that was very shaky, at best, and quicksand, at worse. 

Working with Sir is helping me to shore up that foundation. As I've mentioned before, he does not micromanage me. However there are certain tasks that I've committed to doing, and he makes sure I do them. There's no more, "well, I really should do yoga, but I'm enjoying playing solitaire/reading spanking blogs/ chattering with friends/being lazy so much that I guess I won't do it, but instead I'll spend hours feeling guilty about it." 

Now, I know I'm to have done yoga by 5 everyday, and preferably in the morning. So I do it. I'm to have the dishes washed and put away, and so I do that, too.

And I'm so much happier.  And my career is already benefiting from Sir's discipline. Interestingly, though we discuss my career, that's not the area of my life in which he is training me. Our work is about strengthening my foundation, so to speak.  He's giving me the tools and the training. And I'm ready for the construction. 


xoxox

Libby