Thoughts on Coming to Terms with It

Since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I had a kink that seemed as natural to me as my curly hair, but until the last couple of years, I never really explored it. I like to be spanked. Though I knew it, though every serious boyfriend I’ve ever had knows it, I’d never really spent any time thinking about it - I’d spent lots of time perving on it, but not really analyzing it. I was and am a feminist. A strong, well-educated, smart woman who, quite frankly, felt ashamed of something she craved and loved. And that didn’t quite sit right with me.

It didn’t help that the men with whom I’d been involved were reluctant spankers, to say the least. There’s only so many times a girl can hear, “oh, Honey, why do you want me to do that? I don’t want to hit you,” without feeling like there must be something wrong with her. Bless them and their sweet, non-spanko hearts. Technically, yes, I was asking them to “hit” me, but what I wanted didn’t feel like hitting. How could I explain it to them when I couldn’t even explain it to myself?

The pivotal point in giving myself permission to explore my proclivity was a conversation I had with two of my dear gays. As they freely recounted their outrageous adventures to me, I felt not the least amount of judgment of them. No, I reserved the judgment for myself.

So, on the spur of the moment, I outed myself to them. “I like to be spanked.” I couldn’t believe I’d said it. The flop sweat was coming on when Tom nonchalantly said, “Girl, who doesn’t?”

And with that sage remark began my exploration in earnest.  I decided to come to terms with that important part of me. That was a couple of years ago. I never would have predicted how things have unfolded since. Yes, I did meet a few strangers just to be spanked. There was a lot of roleplay involved in those sessions – I was a naughty secretary/student etc. who simply had to be punished. And that was fun, to a point. But more importantly, the experience clued me into something very deep and heretofore hidden in my nature. More than the physical sensation of being spanked, I loved the feeling of submission, of being disciplined for misdeeds, even if they were imagined. 

Discovering the brilliant community of spanking bloggers has helped me immensely in starting to come to terms with this previously suppressed (repressed?) part of me. I feel as if my journey's just beginning, and I thank you for being a part of it by reading.

xoxoxoxo

Libby